The X and I

July 4, 2010

The Ex and I are good friends.

I didn’t think I’d fall into that lesbian stereotype, but here I am. We talk on the phone, meet up if I’m in town visiting my parents, and she’s even *gasp! horror!* coming to see me in a few weeks. There are no romantic feelings, though a bit of sexual attraction still remains. That’s not surprising – just because we broke up, The Ex is not going to suddenly lose all her attractiveness. Well, maybe if she decides to date a man. Then I just might throw up. But there’s not much danger of that happening, so no worries there.

Anyway, we do have a healthy friendship. A big reason for that is that we buried our romantic relationship first. We had a mutual, fairly peaceful break-up. It was her idea to stay friends; it was my idea that we take some time apart before starting this new platonic phase. I can’t speak for her, but I needed the space to grieve over the loss of that type of companionship and connection. For a while, I felt some anger and resentment about what happened in the last months of our relationship. I had to process my feelings and make peace with the break-up without placing the blame on either of us. That was not easy. If we had kept a constant contact during this time, it would have been a terrible friendship foundation.

She was hurt at my “distancing myself”, but in the end this really worked out for the best. I can now look objectively at our past relationship and be happy about keeping The Ex in my life as a friend. She is still the same person who I started to date – thoughtful, curious, and sweet. We talk honestly about everything – including our current love lives, our past relationship, sex, etc.

When I think about it, it’s amazing that our relationship was as calm and supportive as it was, considering the highly stressful situations we were both in at the time and the number of control & trust issues we had between us. We both tried really hard, but something was missing. We are so much happier as friends and I hope we stay in contact for many years to come.

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3 Responses to “The X and I”

  1. Nails « said

    […] I dated The Ex, she trimmed all my nails super-short on a regular basis, which I tolerated as she seemed to be […]

  2. […] everyone would fit into my family. For example, my parents haven’t gotten along with The Ex. I also cannot see myself marrying, let’s say, ElevatorGirl or HotProf (they both deserve […]

  3. […] The Ex’s house, I took Chuck Palahniuk’s Choke. She had certain family issues, she was very thoughtful […]

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