Being Toppy

April 1, 2011

I’ve had my share of hook-ups, yeah? And guess what: most women love to be topped. Especially if you pretend to let them top you for a few minutes and then you take control and don’t give it back.

Topping is super fun. You get to make women come, what can be better?

Before going further, let’s go into some terminology.

You have your stone butch type/exclusive tops. Then you have your power tops (particularly skillful/aggressive). Service tops have only apparent control, while in reality they conform to instructions given by the bottom. Finally, a switchy top is the one that may bottom occasionally.

Successful topping combines the last three terms, I think. A power top is in reality a good service top. That is, you know exactly what the other person wants and they give it to them. However, there are no explicit instructions involved. You go off the psychology and the subconscious desires. Oh, and you need to be able to give control to the other person (whether pretend or real) for at least a little bit. So that you can take it away the next minute. The whole point is in being confident about knowing what you are doing.

However, with being a decent top comes some sort of a superiority sense. In general, I find that whoever’s more toppy in a particular relationship or hook-up gets kind of smug about it. I topped the first time I hooked up with a girl. We were in college, drunk, it was 5 am, and neither of us had a clue. I cut my nails and took control. She basically let me do whatever I wanted and enjoyed it. It’s a huge mental turn-on.

But well, if it’s hot for the top to be in control, imagine how hot it is for the bottom to have their fantasies fulfilled just the way they want it? Especially since there are not that many good power tops to go around?

If you’re a les top, women will keep coming back to your bed. Simple fact. That’s where the smugness comes from. That’s why Shane has that smirk.

Shane, The L Word


15 Responses to “Being Toppy”

  1. Jennifer said

    So, some top from the bottom, but are there those who “bottom” from the top? And do some that top from the bottom, actually only feel as though they are topping from the bottom, because the “top” is allowing them to feel as though they are topping from the bottom? This is all very fascinating…

    Choose Happiness & Success!

    • So I think we need to break this down a little further. In a sexual activity there’s a person who’s in the more “active” position and a second person who is in the “receptive” position. This is the physical top and the physical bottom. But much more important is who has the mental control vs. who’s following the lead. This is basically your mental top and your mental bottom.

      I would say a “bottom from the top” is physically a top but mentally a bottom. Some particularly bad situations can end in “put your hand there, move here” exchanges. But a good bottom from the top can be similar to a “service top”.

      As for the second question. If you’re topping from the bottom, it basically means you’re the person with the mental control even though you might be on the receptive end of a certain activity. If you were mentally topping, you would know that you’re in that position because you typically have to think for both yourself and your partner. Could it be because your partner allowed you to step into that position? Hmm, possibly, but really rare. I’d say a situation like this could happen with two switchy tops maybe.

  2. N said

    Indeed fascinating… I officially need Vanilla Tea now.

    Ah Shane, Love her deeply….

  3. A. said

    I strongly agree. It is of great importance to know the right mix of those 3 If you ever want to achive a good technique (or wanna have girls crawling back to your bed). On that note, What if you are topping a girl who doesn’t do absolutely nothing? Not even unclasp your bra, and just lays there enjoying herself? Shall I get my claws out and make her unable to walk for a week?


    • You could do a combination of two things: (a) something unexpected and (b) something slightly aggressive. Like rip off her bra, flip her over, and use all your nails.

      Actually, most likely I would light a cigarette and send her to make me a sandwich…..

      • A. said

        Yeah well, I did make sure she would remember me for a looooooooooong time. Next thing, I just walked away leaving her completely dumbfounded. Still got me pissed off

        By the way, How’s Madrid? I lived in Spain myself for a couple of years

  4. […] to seduce or dump a Gemini How I became sure Why you should be a top Thanks and please come back […]

  5. I am all about switchy tops. Sexy.

  6. Rachael said

    I’m a fem Aries and always topping. Nothing in life compares to this bliss. You are over rationalizing defining a bottom top and a top top 😊 The one making the other cum is the aggressor and the true “topper.”

    • I like this definition, Rachael! But I do think there is a certain additional level of psychology behind this. What if you were told or ordered to make your partner come? (iwthin a consensual, mature context, of course). Are you still the aggressor if you are pursuing because you were made to?

    • I do like this definition! If you are making someone come, you are toppy. Pretty good and basic.

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