Lipstick and Whining

May 13, 2011

I write a lot about feminine lesbians and feminine stuff.

Long hair, long nails, three-inch heels, tight jeans, and short dresses are not things I have to think twice about. I feel comfortable in clothing that highlights the curves of my body and in make-up that draws attention to my lips and eyes.

It seems like there are a lot of les girls out there just like me. Great! We see ourselves in Imagine Me and You and in Bloomington and in Gray Matters. We can choose who to tell about our orientation. No one will kick us out of a women’s bathroom.

And yet I see a lot of “waaaah! I’m a poor misunderstood lipstick lesbiaaaan!” sentiment, online and real life. A lot of it comes down to, I’m too pretty/sexy for anyone to guess I’m gay. And I can’t get a date (cue waaah).

First, get over yourself. Even if you’re the femmiest lipstick lesbian out there, we in the lesville still know you’re gay. Maybe the heterosexuals don’t – though I promise your mom and best friend know too.

We know that you are...

Second, I personally have only had one negative experience related to looking feminine. I was asked to leave a les Chicago bar because the bouncer thought I was straight (true story). But overall, it’s been quite smooth. I’ve come out to my friends and co-workers at my own pace, I haven’t been called a dyke, I haven’t heard the whispers behind my back that “no wonder she’s gay, she looks like a dude”.

On the other hand, my friends who are on the butchier side have to change into dresses whenever they visit their conservative parents. They have to defend their “alternative” haircuts to classmates. They have to explain that they don’t necessarily want to be guys. They have to tell the salesperson in the men’s section of Dillard’s, “No, this is not for my brother”. No one resembles them in The L Word or The Real L Word. Think about that.

Oh, and if you can’t get a date, it’s not because you’re too pretty. I’ve heard that from straight girls too, and that is just not true. People of all shapes and sizes find love. Go find yours!


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