As soon as the baby Scorpio enters her teens, she gets a little present from the universe. Her breath turns into sexual poison, and no one stays unaffected by it. If there is one girl in your life who is mysterious, alluring, and sexual in the most casual situations, it is probably the Scorpio lesbian. If you want to get rid of her curse – read on!

How to Keep or Repel a Scorpio Girlfriend.

While the baby Scorpio usually doesn’t realize the amount of sexual venom in her blood, it doesn’t take her long to figure it out. A Scorpio is almost never egotistical, but she does need to get in lust with herself first prior to moving on to other women. Scorpio is her own best lover. Think Santana Lopez from Glee: once she figured out who she was and what she wanted, there was no stopping her.

Once you do meet a fully hatched Scorpio les, how do you seduce her?

You need to be the most original, the most mysterious woman she ever came across. You need to be organized, put-together, and independent. Hints, insinuations, and flirting are great side weapons to keep the Scorpio’s interest, but you need to be ready to be honest and open, too. Games infuriate Scorpios. She will want to open up to you more as she gets to know you, but you have to do it first. A Scorpio lesbian hates feeling dependent on others or vulnerable.

She would tie you up.

She will tie you up.

Scorpio is either your best friend or your worst enemy. The alternative is to be non-existent in her world. To love a Scorpio lesbian is to believe with your whole heart that she is the very, very best (think Brittany S. Pierce’s feelings for Santana). You can’t love a Scorpio “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse” – Scorpio les is never “worse”!

If a Scorpio knows she is loved, she is the best girlfriend on the planet. She can do anything and better than anyone. She is generous with her money, with her attention, with her love. However, she is also demanding to you and to herself. If you match the demands, together you will be invincible. And don’t forget about your appearance. A Scorpio les cares a lot about hers, and you need to show a matching inner discipline. If you are this lesbian’s partner, you can’t wear the same sweatshirt and skinny jeans all year long. Put some thought into it!

In sex, please keep your dirty words to yourself. Oh, you’re welcome to DO as many dirty things as you’d like. But just do them, let the Scorpio be a pillow princess every once in a while. Even the mighty get tired of dominating all the time.

Scorpios do not break up. And if they do, they are typically the ones who do it first. But if you decide to make sure the two of you don’t talk again, criticize her. Better yet, fuel her self-criticism. Dress badly. Smell like fish. Keep your secrets and spread all of hers. Here are the stages you will go through when getting rid of her.

Stage 1. There can be nothing’s wrong in a Scorpio’s world. Nothing. She is perfect. Hence, you are perfect. Done!

Stage 2. Scorpio gets a little paranoid. Less about you, and more about herself. Is she missing something? Should she be doing something different? Can she do something better? So she starts asking her partner some questions. More often, statements. “Not sure if you saw, but I called you yesterday.” “There is no dinner today.” “Someone showed up here saying she was your girlfriend.” If she gets answers, she will consider them carefully. She is very fair and will definitely consider her partner’s explanations. That is, if the partner can be calm enough to have a discussion.

Stage 3. Quiet depression stage. Although a Scorpio girl typically looks inclined to drama, she actually hates scandals. This stage is when the Scorpio les spends lots of time with her friends and family, and very limited with her significant other. She does not address the issues in her relationship until she is ready to leave.

Stage 4. The Scorpio les leaves her partner. This sign more often than others is able to stay fuckbuddies with her exes. But there are no more feelings, no romance, no adoration. She feels selfish for leaving and will feel shitty about leaving (hence the extra sex). But she leaves anyway, like any good masochist.

Will attract: Virgo and Sagittarius.

Love/hate relationship: Leo and Capricorn.

Quinn/Santana

February 16, 2013

Brittana = gay girl dates bisexual girl.

Quinntana = gay girl hooks up with straight girl.

I feel like, I’m supposed to ship Brittana, right? In reality, I actually prefer Quinntana. They are a better match for each other in terms of personality, ambition, independence, intelligence. With Brittany, Santana seemed overprotective and too forward. But Quinn can take Santana’s sass and dish out some, too! Not to mention, the Quinn/Santana thing is just lighter. Santana’s relationship with Brittany was a little too angsty for endgame, like they were always trying just a touch too hard to be committed girlfriends.

Brittany and Sam are adorable cute puppies together. Quinn and Santana are hot and their attraction seems so natural (as much as anything can be natural for Quinn’s character). What’s not to like?

Lastly, the real cornerstone for both Quinntana/Brittana is Naya Rivera. We were all sold on Brittana when she sang Landslide. Now, we are sold on Quinntana after the longing looks and her head on Quinn’s shoulder. Magic!

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Endgame!

Gleek!

May 4, 2011

Last night’s episode of Glee breaks my heart… but I still love Brittany/Santana.

What I don’t understand is why Santana is still with Karofsky. Didn’t she get with him to win prom queen/king titles and get back Brittany? And now Brittany wants to be with her, so what’s the point of staying with the gay hockey dude?

Here’s a summary of the two-cheerleaders-in-love storyline…. in lockers.

Glee, Season 2

Santana: Sex is not dating.

Brittany: If it were, Santana and I would be dating.