So my kick back into the sack has been especially interesting.

I took a 2-month long break from sex. My longest so far. To be fair, though, I had quite a busy month right before the break, so it all balances itself out.

I went to a conference for work, telling my friend that bedroom activities were the farthest thing from my mind at the moment. He responded that every time I tell him that, I end up bringing back a crazy story.

Don’t want to divulge all the details, but I have to say that it started with swapping the game rules in Never Have I Ever. Penalty kisses instead of penalty shots.

I’ve never really minded losing in that game, anyway.

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So I thought now would be a good time to tell you about BlondeGirl.

I mention her here and there in my blog, and some of you have asked me for a backstory. Here you go.

BlondeGirl and I started working at PrestigiousCompany around the same time. We had the same group of friends and we were assigned to the same project.

She was into me from the first time we met. But, I was preoccupied with trying to figure out where the lesbian clubs were hiding in this town and did not notice her interest. Until the time that I went to that place that later became My Favorite Bar. I was walking up the stairs, and she was standing at the top. Looking at me. Then I knew.

Then there was some flirting at the office (mostly from her side) and making out in the bathrooms (mostly my ideas) and the I-want-to-but-I-can’t-because-of-stupid-reasons mentality (from both of us).

If I could summarize her side of the story for the next year or so, it would go like this: I like you but we work together so let’s be friends. But I suck at actually being friends with you because I’m jealous and I can’t contain my feelings. So I will continue to stare at your boobs and tell everyone how awesome you are because I can’t tell you myself. 

From my side, it would sound like this: You clearly like me. I clearly like you. But, we work together. Let’s be friends. Uh, yeah, that’s my tongue on your lips. Oops. No, really, we can be friends. Why are you looking at me like this.

The End

L

November 28, 2010

So L said this phrase about how something that looks amazing on paper does not mean amazing for you.

And that is so true for both professional and personal relationships. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work! No big deal. Next one, please.

Bday Fun

June 13, 2010

Last night was a joint birthday party for me and my friend N.

I feel great today: no hangover, all the right decisions, productive morning. I already threw out the beer bottles, stashed away the rest of my Russian vodka, took back the keg, washed the wine glasses and the floor. Breakfast at the best little euro-like place a block away.

Tons of alcohol, lots of people. Both BlondeGirl and RedGirl were there.

Backstory: BlondeGirl and RedGirl are my coworkers, referenced here: C and D

RedGirl came with a clear interest. She kept looking at me, touching me and saying compliments. Which is the way she and I are usually around each other (we’re just flirty people in general), but this time there was more to it. At some point, she followed me into my bedroom. When we were coming out of it, N asked if he could have a b-day present. Of me and RedGirl kissing. Oh well, can’t really say no to that, can you? N’s jaw was on the floor for the rest of the night.

Then we went out.  In the cab ride to one of the clubs, it was me, RedGirl, and RandomNerdyCo-Worker. RNCW was having a phone conversation with his strip-club-loving buddy:

-No, dude. I’m going to LesClub. It’s gay? Shit, it’s gay? No dude, they are saying it’s straightish. Yes, I believe them. Whatever, it’s her birthday, we’re doing what she wants. I’m gonna try to convince them to go see strippers… No they say they’re not good-looking enough. Yeah I guess I’m going to LesClub. I don’t care if it makes me gay! I don’t care that it makes me a bitch! I want to be where the action is and dude there’s plenty of action here.

At the same time, RedGirl and I were having this conversation:

RG: You know, I feel like I’m kind of cheating on this guy I’m seeing by being so close to you. But you and I have such good chemistry!

Me:  You’re not really exclusive though, aren’t you leaving in 2 months? Um, so I like BlondeGirl. But I don’t want to try to win her over? That’s so passe.

RG: Why don’t you just tell her you like her?

Me: That’s not happening. Come on, it’s me we’re talking about. Anyway, so our good chemistry….

So of course the cabbie gave us a free ride. Then no cover to get into the club. Tons of shots. A lot of dancing. Making out.

But then RedGirl asks me if I’d do a threesome with her and her new bf. Um, NO. Penises and body hair are not what I’m really looking for in a partner. I diplomatically say that I don’t want to be a guest star. But then she says she really wouldn’t want to share me with anyone anyway. Thanks, I guess?

Another funny moment is from when she said, “I don’t get it. You like BlondeGirl. I don’t like BlondeGirl. But I am attracted to you. How does that work??” She was genuinely confused. Well, darling, we don’t all like the same women.

So today, I tried to think of a sane lesbian/bisexual girl in my surroundings. I couldn’t.

Pop Quiz: which one of these would you consider a girl in her sound mind?

a) the one who breaks her wine glass in my face because I won’t date her?

b) the one who wants to “show off her dark side” ?

c) my blonde co-worker who won’t stop staring at me and flirting with me whenever she sees me in the office, but “forgets” if we schedule something outside of work?

d) my redhead co-worker who told me she was into women, and then in a week confessed she was straight, had a boyfriend, but is still curious about les sex?

I vote e) neither of the above.

😦