So my kick back into the sack has been especially interesting.

I took a 2-month long break from sex. My longest so far. To be fair, though, I had quite a busy month right before the break, so it all balances itself out.

I went to a conference for work, telling my friend that bedroom activities were the farthest thing from my mind at the moment. He responded that every time I tell him that, I end up bringing back a crazy story.

Don’t want to divulge all the details, but I have to say that it started with swapping the game rules in Never Have I Ever. Penalty kisses instead of penalty shots.

I’ve never really minded losing in that game, anyway.

Job-Searching?

September 22, 2011

Work. You know, that activity that brings food on our plates and designer jeans on our butts.

Pretty much everyone around me is looking for a job. Are you?

Are you freaking out about cover letters and resumes? Are you unsure what makes you sound like a serious professional and what makes you sound like a confused teenager? Because I used to be in that place.

Then, i figured out the key to excellent cover letters and resumes.

That key is writing, rewriting, and editing. Repeat about 20 times. After writing 20 times about how awesome you are, you will start believing it. however, at some point, re-writing a cover letter gets tedious. You run out of ideas, and frankly, you don’t know what you are doing wrong. You need a fresh pair of eyes to look it over.

So after writing the first (or third, or fifth) version of your cover letter, give it to someone to read. Suggestions: your friends; your parents; your professors; your former co-workers/bosses.

Some paid services are also good options. Not to write your cover letter for you, of course, but to professionally review your writing, identify the gaps, fix grammar and punctuation. For example, there is a website that is sort of a marketplace for cover letter revisions. It connects professional writers and editors with those who need to polish their cover letters. This type of service is especially helpful if you’re looking for a job in an English-speaking country but you’re from, let’s say, Spain or France. Your credentials are likely awesome – but a native speaker will help your writing flow better and showcase your skills. Check it out: http://www.shinyenglish.com/

Why You Should Be Out

September 15, 2011

Some of you are wondering whether to come out of the closet.

You should come out.

Some of you are wondering whether to label yourself. “Gay, bi, lesbian, queer, experimenting… What’s the difference? I like who I like”.

You should label yourself.

Some of us can hide. We are stereotypically feminine, we like the things that we’re supposed to like (or we pretend well), or we have a very supportive inner network that will protect and cocoon us from the rest of the world.

True Blood's Queen Sophie-Anne: "I haven't enjoyed sex with men since the Eisenhower administration."

However, others don’t have that chance. They like wearing men’s clothes. Or they can’t restrain from kissing their girlfriends in public. Or they just want to take their wife and kids to a family picnic. The more of us stay inside the closet, the harder it will be for those that are forced out, by nature or by circumstance. We need to stay visible in order to keep the awareness that gay people exist and that it’s normal.

And with the importance of being out comes the importance of labels. If you don’t label yourself, you are seen as the “status quo”. Sure, you can argue that “but why does the world see me as heterosexual if I don’t say anything”, but that’s a moot point. Straight is the default option in most of our cultures. Maybe it will stop being the default if all of us keep reminding the society that it’s not the only option. Not to mention, if you don’t label yourself, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have a label or that the old lady from around the corner won’t slap one on you.

Also, choosing a label (even if it’s something like, bicuriousexperimentingconfused) allows you to effectively communicate to the world what you are and where you’re going. Which is, of course, if you know where you are going.

I believe that being direct and open about your sexual identity is essential for your well-being and for your ability to be productive at work. An acquaintance that recently came out says she is no longer paranoid about what people think of her.

For workers who are not out at work, there might even be a wage penalty. A 2008 study from the Netherlands finds that, “Among gay/bisexual workers those with disclosed identity earn on average 8% more…. Independent of the specification used, the penalty for not being open… moves around the 5% [mark].”

It pays to be out on the job. And it pays to be out in your personal life.

At Pride This Year

Nails

May 2, 2011

I haven’t been around in a while! Sorry – been quite sick lately.

I’m back now, though. The topic of the day is nails. Let’s start with this old joke, shall we?

– What do you call a lesbian with long nails?

– Single!

I’ve always had long nails. When I was little, I hated spending valuable time on getting them cut. In middle school, I decided short nails made your fingers look stubby and fat. And what lesbian wants short fingers? Not me.

By high school, I was convinced long nails went perfectly with long hair and heels.

My nails, 2003

And then I started sleeping with girls. The internet terrified me into thinking I will hurt someone with my claws. You know how some guys keep condoms in their wallet? I kept a pocket knife with scissors. That thing lived in my purse and I became a pro at cutting three fingernails in 5 seconds.

When I dated The Ex, she trimmed all my nails super-short on a regular basis, which I tolerated as she seemed to be anxious about any kind of length.

My best friend, 2007

Then I broke up with her, got a 70 hours/week corporate job, and started flying a lot for work. Scissors are not allowed in carry-on baggage, and frankly I just didn’t have the time nor the inclination to do anything more than brush my hair before a date. And here’s what I found out:

Contrary to the stereotype, the length of your nails simply doesn’t matter in sex, as long as you are careful and aware.

File them, make sure there are no split ends or sharp ends, use the pads of your fingers for the more intimate parts. Slightly bend/curve your fingers in if there’s penetration involved. Oh, and make sure it’s wet enough. That’s nature’s way of protection, darling.

No one’s complained yet. In the interests of producing a second side to this story, I asked ElevatorGirl, my fwb what she thinks of my nail length. She says she doesn’t notice. Case closed?

L

November 28, 2010

So L said this phrase about how something that looks amazing on paper does not mean amazing for you.

And that is so true for both professional and personal relationships. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work! No big deal. Next one, please.